Tuesday, December 16, 2008

There's always tomorrow.

I had decided I wanted to try and make this a photoblog. I didn't get to take a picture though. Tomorrow I'll try again.

Tonight I had my last level 3 class at iO. I don't know how I felt about level 3. I guess, from what Shotts (my teacher) told us in the beginning, I feel the way everyone feels, but it's not really a good feeling. I am now totally in my head, knowing all of the things I need work on, and it's affecting my scene work. Shotts told me I need to show more emotion. Everything I do is internalized, and that's not entertaining or interesting. It's hard to do for me, because I'm not a very outwardly emotional person. If I'm happy, I smile, sad, I frown, and so on and so forth. But at least I have something to focus on.

I don't know why I'm so socially awkward. I felt really alone tonight. Tonight was the iO holiday party, which was techinically for staff, performers, and their significant others. But, my fellow students told me that Charna had told them to grab drinks and food and have a good time. So, I thought maybe I would stick around. I saw John (the only person I talked to, only long enough to say hello and shake hands.), Katie (who I spoke to for about 90 seconds) and her boyfriend (2 minutes), and Tina, who made eye contact with me numerous times, but never acknowledge my existence as someone who she would even call an acquaintance. At that time, seeing everyone having a good time, and not having a good time myself, I decided just to go home. I didn't feel like I belonged there.

I guess I have to learn how to make friends. I just don't know how to do that I guess. According to Facebook, I have over 60 friends here in Chicago. In real life, I think it's more like 5 or 6. And I hardly ever hang out with any of them.

I need to find a way to turn this around. I'm sure the 4 of you that read this are tired of hearing these woe is me stories. Hopefully I can write something positive tomorrow.

No comments: