Some soul searching, minus conclusions.

I'm sitting in Starbucks right now, paying six dollars to use Wi-Fi for an hour. I'm doing this because I'm meeting with some classmates for dinner before our class at iO. I'm doing that because I need friends. I've been experiencing a weird sort of culture shock and it happened to me way late in my time since moving here.

In Detroit, I came from a really close group of friends. Unlike most close groups of friends though, this one was gigantic. Sure, I have my really, really close friends within that group, but I don't think I could count on one hand the ones I wouldn't go to with a serious problem or enjoy a night alone with.

It's strange to go from that to virtual nothingness. I really wasn't expecting that. I moved here knowing I would have to build new relationships, to start over. But I was also under the illusion I would reconnect. I was under the illusion the people that liked me in college, or said they did, would be here, arms open, ready to welcome me into this new experience. Boy, was I wrong.

I'm no angel in this scenario though. I don't call people. I have people I think I could be really great friends with in RECESS (my improv team), people I've met in my life here, and also Detroit transplants. I'm scared to call them though. Any of them. I fear their reactions. Mainly because I think that there could only be two different reactions.

Reaction one: Person answers phone with a more inquisitive tone then normal, not the usual "Hello?" but more like a very confused "Hello?", if you were sitting here I could show you the inflection differences. They are very subtle, it's the facial expression that really gives it away. The facial expression that I would never see. But, it's a reaction to answering a phone call from an unknown number. This means that these friends did not even have my phone number programmed in their phones.

or

Reaction two: The intonation of the "Hello?" is practically the same but it says something totally different. This person has my phone number programmed, they know it's me calling, but they are curious as to why. This is pretty common. I rarely know the purpose behind every phone call I recieve. That's not what I'm talking about though. I'm talking about the "What reason could you possibly have for attempting to interact with me outside of the two hours (sometimes three if there's a lunch afterwards) of forced interaction we have of rehearsal? Oh...*snicker*...you wanted to hang out! Go get a drink, that's rich!"

I don't know which I fear more.

I know I need to call people and take the initiative beyond vague, dateless facebook comments reading "hey, I miss u, let's get together soon. TTYS"

I also know that I've blown things off that I have been invited to. Birthday parties (not personally invited but certainly not omitted) that I probably could have made it to if I really wanted to, but I was tired.

Still, I feel very alone here, aside from Kristen obviously.

In other, unrelated news, I'm considering another tattoo but I just don't know what I want. I really like rockabilly tattoos and have actually been listening to a lot of rockabilly as well as wearing my hair in a pompadour. Wouldn't my next step to get a 1940's era microphone or a cool brightly colored jukebox tattoo.

Maybe I'll get something that actualy says something about myself. Damn image conciousness.

Dear residents of Chicago,

Life is short. Slow down.

Love,
Your Neighbor Ryan

My first day of school

Yesterday was my first day of Level 1 at iO. My teacher was doing something for Second City so we had Craig Uhler as a sub. He was absolutely incredible though. All my fears were quelled very quickly.

Those fears were fears I was afraid to admit because I knew they were cocky. My fears were basically that I wasn't going to learn anything new and that I would be bored. Well, the first day of class I can't say that I really learned anything new. But, something happened to me, and I did the best scene work of my improv career. We were doing the excercise, the argument. To the uninitiated, basically these are scenes where the scenarios are meant to lead to arguments. The idea of the scene is to not argue, but instead to be supportive of your scene partner how ever you can. Both of the scenes I did, I felt better about than anything I've done scenically in a long time.

I really look forward to going back next Sunday.

PS
I'm alone all next week, July 4th-12th, if anyone has anything fun to do, let me know.

A Weekend at Home

This weekend I went back to Detroit to spend some time with family and friends.

It was not relaxing to say the least, but in a great way. I was going non-stop seeing people and doing things. Got to see all my nearest and dearest friends and all of the local family. It was really a great time. It was like living a mini version of my life in four days.

I got to have friends cry on my shoulder. I got to play Magic the Gathering. I got to drink coffee and laugh with friends until 3 am. I got to hang out with my family. I got to watch cable TV and eat Jet's pizza. I even found time to go see Rilo Kiley which was great.

It was hard to turn my back on all of that and come back to Chicago. I love this city so much, but no city can compare to the one where your friends live. Unfortunately, I don't have much in the way of friends here. Marc and Alicia are the only ones I really hang out with. No one else ever calls me and I don't know why, but I always feel awkward calling them. But I know that as I meet more people, this will change and soon I'll have a social life in Chicago.

The people will never compare though. They can try all they want, I'll never find another Dale, Joe, Katie, Sides, Matt, Jerry, Nikki, Corrina, Tim, Will, Voldo, etc.

what a night

Last night I go to the Lakeshore Theatre for some free stand up with my lady and our friends. So the comics perform, everyone was hilarious and a good time was had.

And then it happened, the owner came out on stage with tears in his eyes. He was choked up. He said "Things like this are why we're the best place to see comedy in Chicago. So promise, no flash photography, have a good time. Ladies and Gentleman......."

"ROBIN WILLIAMS"

And it was really him. He did a half hour stand up set! For free! That's what I love about living here, anything can happen.
__________________

Today I Cold Called.........

The Alternative Pop Rock Band The Dandy Warhols.

and

A Strip Club.


Man I love my job.

Something that's been bothering me

That should probably be the title of every entry. This is going to become a chronicle of the random neurotic bits of minutia that haunt my days. I need answers though.

Last night as I lie in bed, I was watching Toy Story 2. My choices were limited due to a broken DVD player but let it be known, I do not apologize for this choice. I feel the Toy Story series was a beautifully animated, very smartly written peice of cinema. There is one thing that I was bothered by and it really doesn't even have anything to do with Toy Story 2, but seeing Buzz Lightyear made me think about it.

In the first movie, Buzz is not self aware. He really believes he is a space ranger out to destroy the evil Zurg. He does not know he is a mass produced peice of plastic with some working parts and flashing lights.

Given this fact, why did he stay frozen in his box at the toy store until he was purchased. Why did he freeze and drop lifelessly to the ground with the other toys whenever a human entered a room? Why, when Andy first unwrapped his present and open the box did Buzz not spring to life and begin searching tirelessly for Zurg.

None of this is explained and I WANT ANSWERS.

x-posted to Livejournal in order to get the answers I seek.