Take the Leap

The wife and I were eating dinner on Sunday (I’ve been trying to institute a Sunday dinner so that we cook and eat at least one meal a week) and we got to talking about the move back to Michigan that will occur sometime in our future. In the spirit of full disclosure, it’s primarily me that is unhappy here in Chicago. She likes most aspects of life here, but also realizes that it’s not the thing she wants long term (I hope I’m getting that right. Feel free to correct me honey.) Knowing all of that, it’s easy to see how the two sides of the coin of moving to Michigan could be exaggerated based on your perspective. We’re both scared of the same things and excited about the same things, but since I’m unhappy, I focus on the things I’m excited about and try to ignore the fears where she is focused on the fears of the things that could go wrong while not allowing herself to be excited. Neither side is right.

I quite dramatically equated my feelings to being on a cliff while someone is pointing a gun at you. I look over the edge of the cliff and I see the ocean below and my mentality is “Ok, if I don’t jump, this guy will shoot me and I’ll die. If I do jump, I still might die, but there’s a chance that I’ll live.” I’m not normally a risk taker either. Getting married was probably the biggest gamble I’ve ever taken and that’s not to say I wasn’t sure about marrying my wife, but more just that marriage is a crap shoot no matter who the person is.

I was about to start mixing metaphors and talking about the situation in the form of gambling but let’s stay on the cliff. I think there’s something exciting in fear of the unknown, but I think it depends on the possible outcomes. Usually, I don’t like not knowing. I hate surprises. But as long as I know the outcome won’t be awful, I can get myself excited about the adventure. I have lots of ideas about how I would like things to go, what would be ideal. I’m sure none of them will come true but this time, unlike so many before, it won’t be for lack of trying. That’s why I stick with the cliff metaphor. It allows me to use this quote that I came across today. Any other day, I would just put the quote out there and let you think I’m well read and intelligent, but you’re no fool. You know Ray Bradbury died today and someone on Twitter tweeted this quote and that’s how I came across it. I think it resonated really hard with me today because of the things that have been on my mind.

“You've got to jump off cliffs all the time and build your wings on the way down.” - Ray Bradbury

That’s the part that I read that inspired me to write this blog. Then I looked deeper and found the full quote, which is something I should apply not just to this, but to life in general. Again, I may not be successful, but for now, it won’t be for lack of trying. The full quote reads:

“If we listened to our intellect, we'd never have a love affair. We'd never have a friendship. We'd never go into business, because we'd be cynical. Well, that's nonsense. You've got to jump off cliffs all the time and build your wings on the way down.”

So I’m going to try to start doing some things that I’m afraid of. Maybe I’ll talk to a stranger. Maybe I’ll write everyday and realize that some days, the writing will just be awful. Who cares? If I don’t die, lose my wife, lose my family, or lose my friends, I’ll be just fine.

The Sunday List

If you've been a regular reader, you know that I suck at blogging. I just can't keep up with a consistent schedule. I have fun ideas for posts, I jot them down, and then when I start writing them, they turn out to be shitty and I abandon them. I hold myself to high standards, surprising as it may be from my writing, and therefore I just don't bother.

I'm taking the inspiration from the other blog that I had, Tubb's Top 5, and using it to help me write at least one regular post a week. It'll be a post where I basically discuss some sort of top 5 list that's been on my mind. I'm going to also going to make a Sunday post on Reddit, in the askreddit section (http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/) so that other users can contribute their lists. If you're driven to the blog from Reddit, welcome. OK, here goes nothing.

So as you probably know (again, if you're a regular reader), my time here in Chicago is winding down. I'm growing weary of living here and looking to be closer to my friends and family so that I can surround myself with people rather than just stuff.

As much as I don't like living here anymore, I know there are going to be things that I miss. They certainly don't outweigh the things that I'm looking forward to when I move back home, but they are there. This is my list of the Top 5 Things I'll Miss About Living In Chicago.

1. Walks by the lake.

I've been lucky enough the last few years to live no more than 3 blocks from the beach. If you know anyone from Chicago, you know that the way we get through winter is by saying through chattering teeth "Summer's going to be so great." It really is true though. Lazy as I might be, there's not much that will cause me to say no if my wife asks me to take an afternoon stroll along Foster beach. 

2. Tedino's Pizza

Most Chicago pizza is kind of similar. Subtle differences are all that really set them aside. I'll admit that my opinion is probably colored by Tedino's being two blocks from my apartment, but what really does it for me is the pepperoni. It's so thick and spicy and gives a really good bite to the pizza. I'll take Tedino's over pretty much any pizza place within a 2 mile radius of my place. 

3. The Neofuturists

It's been a really long time since I've been to see a show at the Neofuturist theatre. Generally, when I have visitors in town for a weekend, I take them to see their signature show "Too Much Light Makes The Baby Go Blind". The energy and excitement of the show is tough to explain, but I can try to give you an idea of what the show is all about. Basically, the company attempts to perform 30 plays in 60 minutes. The order of the plays is determined in random order. All of the plays are original, true to the actors lives, and real (meaning no one on stage plays a character, the actors don't create fake sets, they acknowledge that they are on a stage, in a theatre, in front of an audience and don't try to convince you otherwise). It's a really great show that has you howling with laughter one minute and fighting back tears the next. 

4. The Harold Washington Library

I haven't been to the library in a long time, but there was a time when I would go pretty much every week. I've had a stack of books to plow through and it just seems to keep growing. I do love walking around this 8 story behemoth of a library though. You could spend a whole day in there if you really wanted to. Plus, look at that beautiful building, and just two blocks from my office.

5. Puppet Bike

It's exactly what it sounds like. It's a puppet theatre attached to a bicycle. A lot of times during the week, it's downtown on State Street performing for people who are shopping. It can also be spotted in Andersonville most of the time (I think they have a couple of bikes). Puppeteers crawl into the box, turn on some fun music, and make puppet cats and rabbits and what have you dance around. The operate mostly on tips, so if you stop to watch, toss em a few bucks. 

Like I said, hopefully I'll be posting with more regularity, but I make no promises. If nothing else, check back next week for the next Sunday list. 

I Guess Suburbia Ain't So Bad

The title is the name of a song I wrote in my old band “The Bad Chemicals”. It’s reminiscent of a time when I was living in Detroit (the city, not the area) and Chicago bound. I thought I’d never want to live in the suburbs and I think that that perception was informed primarily by movies and TV. The lyrics are a (not so) subtle and tongue in cheek description of the boring life of two people married and living in the suburbs. It was truly how I felt at the time. 


But why did I think this way? I can’t put my finger on it. Here, I’ve lived in the “big city” for 5 years now and I long for the suburbs every day. Not necessarily the suburbs, but for the people that moving back to my home state could provide me with. I’m gearing up for the next section of my life. A section that I used to mock with my peers.


 I can remember saying to a friend while at a bar one night “It’s so depressing to be Facebook friends with people I went to high school with. Just looking at them with kids and houses and stuff, ugh.” Of course, I’m paraphrasing, but you get the idea.


 Now, I’m craving that. I want my own house. Maybe I won’t ever be a homeowner, but I’d like a bigger place that I can decorate. I’d like to have some spare rooms where Kristen could work out and I could do whatever I would do if I had an office. I’d like to have a garage where I can keep the half finished projects I will try to build.


 I want to have a kid. Not right away of course, there’s still things I think I should do first, but I’m looking forward to it. A little me that I can introduce to Star Wars, The Muppets, The Simpsons, and Batman. Sure, I’m ignoring all the challenges of parenthood, but if I didn’t focus on the fun stuff, I don’t think I’d ever go through with it.


There’s something in me that says that moving back to Michigan would signify failure. I constantly get confused glances and “Why would you do that?”. But in Michigan I see potential that I haven’t seen here in a while. I feel like I’ve learned a lot and met a lot of great people while I was here and there are of course things that I’ll miss. But whenever that stuff gets me down, I think back to this past weekend.


The wife and I were in Frankenmuth for my good friend Matt’s wedding, in which I was best man. I got to spend two days in a hotel with my wife and all of my best friends.  I got to experience sore throats and sore sides from 3 hour conversations and laughing until I couldn’t breathe. I got to watch my wife integrate with my friends in a way she never had before. She wasn’t there because she was married to me. She was there because these people love her as much as I do and she loves them. She was one of the gang. There were people who understand me. I felt fulfilled. I felt motivated. More than anything, I felt creative. I felt like I could do anything. I had confidence.

This is not to say I’m not happy in my life right now. I’ve got an amazing wife who takes care of me when I need to be taken care of and often times even when I don’t. She loves me despite the fact that I consider Wednesday a sacred day because I have to go pick up my comic books. She loves me when I let grease drip into the oven and then set off the smoke alarm. She encourages me to run with ideas when I have them (I just lack motivation and judge my ideas to harshly). I have a handful of friends who will come over to our apartment to eat pizza and play board games. I have a decent job and a decent apartment. This is not about any of those things because I know that, God willing, I’ll always have those things. It’s just about a change of pace.

I owe Chicago a great debt of gratitude. Without Chicago, I don’t think Kristen and I would have gotten married. It gave us a necessary push to move in together, to support each other when no one else would, and to grow as a couple. Chicago is where I succeeded (a rare thing for me) at a lofty goal that I set for myself. It also showed me that sometimes, the thing you want the most is not going to be that great once you get it and that that’s OK too. It taught me how to be a grownup. I’ll carry those lessons with me wherever I go, and I hope to keep learning for however long I’m here. So you may be loud, you may be smelly, and you may have driven me a little bit crazy, but Chicago, you’ve been absolutely vital in my development and for that I thank you. I think we’re just growing apart.

The Great Music Collection Organization Update

As of today, I’ll have completed going through the A’s on my iPod. Actually, if you want to be accurate, I’m finishing it up this afternoon, but I’m in the middle of the Avenue Q Original Cast Recording, an album I’ve listened to enough times that I could skip it if I didn’t love it so damn much. It’s been pretty great so far. I’ve always enjoyed listening to albums more than shuffling around. It’s cool to listen to those songs you might never hear on a shuffle because you’d just skip them to get to another Elvis Costello song.

Here’s a quick breakdown of the A’s. I really like data, so I thought I would collect a little bit. Is there anything else you, my gentle reader, would like to know that I could quantify into data points? I tried to remember to rate the songs, but often times I'm only half paying attention. Anyhow, here's the report on the A's.

Albums Deleted: 3
Albums Reorganized : 1
Duplicates Deleted: 1
Favorite “A” Album: “Acid Tongue” by Jenny Lewis
Runner Ups: “Almost Killed Me” by The Hold Steady, “All Day” by Girl Talk, “Artificial Heart” by Johnathan Coulton, and “And Out Come The Wolves” by Rancid
Suprise Gem: “Automatic For People” by R.E.M.

Onto the B’s!

Making My Mark

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how I’m going to make my mark on this world. What’s my purpose? How will I contribute? I’ve always wanted to do something creative but I feel like I lack ideas. Whenever I see a cool new invention, I dream of being an inventor and then I say “If I were an inventor, I’d invent....ah.....grilled cheese?.....no.....um.....oh forget it.”

Today I walked past a coworker who was wearing a hoody and from afar it looked like the hood strings were in his ears. As I approached, I learned that I wasn’t going mad and in fact his hood strings were in his ears and for good reason. THEY HAD HEADPHONES IN THEM! He puts his iPod in the pouch pocket, which has a headphone jack, and headphones at the end of the hood strings.

By now most people are probably saying “Well, yeah. How have you not heard of that?” That’s not really the point though. The point is I find myself constantly wondering about my legacy. I believe that everyone is born for a reason, but I’m having trouble figuring out what mine was. It’s like my brain is at war between what I think it should be and what it really could be. I’d love to own Detroit’s coolest comic book store and run it with my friends. I’d love to write plays and get paid to have them produced. I’d love to run a theatre company. All of these are completely attainable goals and who knows, I might take the shot one day. A Wayne Gretzky quote that was imparted to me by Kevin Smith’s new book “Tough Shit: Life Advice From a Fat, Lazy Slob Who Did Good” has been sticking with me lately. “You miss 100% of the shots you never take.” I think that’s inspired me to sit down and start working on some of the ideas for new plays that I’ve had. Sure, there’s a chance I won’t get past 5 or 6 pages before realizing I don’t like the idea anymore or it doesn’t have the legs I thought it did. But I can be certain I’m not going to write a great play if I don’t try.

In weight loss goals news (since I promised the wife), today was not the best week calorie wise, but it was balanced out by an increase in lunch time walks. I actually really enjoy lunchtime walks. It gets my exercise out of the way so that when I get home from work, I don’t have to worry about it and it’s easy to do. I only spend like 15 minutes of my lunch hour working, so why not get outside and wander around the Loop for the rest of the time. My weight itself has stayed the same since last week. Nothing lost, but nothing gained.

Let's Get Organized....Organized

Oh hi there. You’re still here. Where have I been you ask? I’ve been getting married, working, traveling, and just living life. All the stuff that should be fodder for a blog, but if you want the truth, I was just lazy. Oh well, maybe 7th time is a charm. But today I want to talk about organization.

The wife asked me to do a fitness, I don’t know, challenge I guess you’d call it. The basic goal is to lose 15 pounds by Father’s day. This is done by carefully tracking calories and making a point to excercise. To this point, I’ve done so - so. I’ve tracked my calories every day (and gone over my limit most days, but not to an obscene amount) and I took walks at lunchtime 3 times last week. I’m trying to step it up to 5 this week, but I missed yesterday and I might have to have working lunches for the rest of the week to go to a doctor’s appointment. Might have to do some night time walks, which is totally fine considering the weather is getting nicer here in Chicago.

Fitness is not necessarily my thing. I understand it’s importance and I try to participate as much as I can, but fitness challenges are not exactly my favorite thing in the world. Working out is not fun for me. So I decided I needed a project of my own to do alongside the fitness challenge. Something for my brain. I picked organization of many aspects of my life. My first target was my iTunes library. It’s crazy. There’s duplicates, broken songs, and a bunch of stuff I don’t even like. My 80 gb iPod is quickly approaching maximum capacity and I know there are albums on here I just can’t stand.

The first step is listening to all the albums I have, in order, and deciding if I really like the album. I’m only like 7 albums in and until today, everything made had made the cut. Today, I decided I wasn’t nuts about “Aha Shake Heartbreak” by Kings of Leon. It wasn’t that it was an awful album. I kind of like Kings of Leon. Still, it wasn’t too hard. I just had to realize that I’ll most likely never listen to this album again. Tonight, that album gets the axe (along with a duplicate of Stand By Me).

I have trouble getting rid of things. I’m afraid that the second I throw something out, I’ll want it. It even stretches to my comic book collection (I’m reticent to use that word, I’ve only been collecting again for about 8 months and only in the last month started trying to build a collection of back issues.). When DC came out with the new 52, I picked an assortment of books to follow and set a cap so as not to return to the way I was in my late teens (I used to spend 50-70 dollars a week on comics.) Amongst those titles lies Justice League International. I’m a big Booster Gold fan and he’s the leader of said super team, so I decided to give it a go. It took some soul searching, but Issue #8 will be the last for me. The Avengers will be taking it’s place in my reserve box.

I’d love to hear some tips on organization if you have any. For organizing anything. Anything at all!

Testing

I'm testing out blogging from my iPhone. Perhaps using the blogger app, I'll be able to make myself blog more.

Anyhow....testing.