Here at the Chicago Transit Authority we're always striving to provide dependable, on-time public transportation options to serve the entire city (except the far south and far west sides because....eww). We're failing spectacularly but at least we're not Detroit am I right?!
We're always experimenting with new ideas for how to make your experience more enjoyable and it is our pleasure to introduce our new In-Transit Games that are being installed on all trains. Here's just a few of the exciting options that you might find to help you pass the time on your commute home from your low-paying drone work.
"Step On Your Fellow Human Beings Neck to Get a Seat on the Train"
This is probably the game with the simplest objective. You stand at the station any loop bound or northbound train between 7-9 am or 4-7 pm and jockey for the best position. Each train car will have one open seat, placed at random, and your objective is to sit in it at any costs. Along with your other riders, pregnant women and elderly people will be randomly placed to challenge your sense of decency.
"How Long Before I Pass Out From Heat Exhaustion"
This is part of our summer games block. In this event, the air conditioning on random trains will be shut off I the temperature gets above 80 degrees. It is your objective to push past all hallucinations and remain upright while in a train packed with other people giving off an absurd amount of heat. It's a scorcher!
"Name That Tune: The Guy With Terrible Taste and His Headphones Way Too Loud Edition"
Better brush up on your Skrillex and Kenny Chesney if you want to succeed in this challenging game. Randomly placed throughout train cars will be people with no concept of other people's existence and therefore had their music turned up to 11. Your objective is to figure out what terrible dubstep or country song they are listening to. Should you guess correctly , they'll assume you're a fan and try to dance with you! You are a loser either way! Isn't that fun?!
"Is That Guy Really Shitting on the Train?!"
This one is pretty self-explanatory. Pro-tip, he is...always.
"Guess the Bodily Fluid"
Occasionally riders will notice an open seat in an otherwise packed train car. It's not luck, it's our most exciting game. In this game, you'll look at the fresh stain that is on the seat no one is sitting on and try to guess which bodily fluid it is. In fact, let's try a round right now?
I don't need to ask what you guessed. You know in your heart you're right. Sadly.
We hope these games will add a little enjoyment to your commute and if it doesn't....oh well. Because at the CTA, we don't care....and it shows.