New Blog

I'm jettisoning this blog into the sweet din of the internet. I've moved over to Uncle Tubbies' Funhouse in order to try and start fresh. Mom, if you click the underlined words, you'll find it. See you there!!

2 Months!

How can I keep letting all this time pass between entries!?! It's not like I don't have news. I do. I have plenty of stuff going on. Let's break it down by category!

Work

• No full time job yet. I've had some really great interviews and right now have a few possibilities on the horizon so I'm feeling quite optimistic. It's a weird feeling for me. I catch myself having positive thoughts and catching myself off guard. 
• I'm actually making some money as an actor. I've been working doing sporadic voice-over work for a company called 9-Ball Radio. It's not steady work, but it helps me to feel like I'm contributing. Plus it's fun. 
• I'm also participating in a service called Mturk through Amazon.com. Essentially, you do something called HITs (Human Intelligence Tests). They are various surveys and studies for universities, people who want help transcribing their web videos or podcasts, and people trying to improve their SEO. You get paid anywhere from 2 cents to a couple of bucks for tasks. I don't make real money at it. I keep it all in Amazon credit. This helps me so that when I get that urge to buy a new board or video game or something, I have all this Amazon credit saved up.

Life

• Life is pretty good. 
• I'm spending more time with friends. This is something I was longing for and part of the drive behind moving. It's great to have people getting in contact with you because they want to spend time in your company, not because they want you to come see their show. I missed that. I'm so happy I can be here for the important things now. It's Dale's (one of my bestest friends) birthday tomorrow and even though I was able to be here last year, this year I get to go not because of happenstance but because we're going out to dinner a mile from my house. That makes me really happy. 
• The wife and I are enjoying something new in our lives. Alone time. Our apartment is huge. She's in the living room right now watching Law and Order: SVU and I'm back in our office (I say our office because I spend a majority of my time here but she has a desk back here too) writing this. We don't dislike spending time with each other. We're big fans. But it's nice to have separate spaces to go when we just want to be alone. 
• In general, the wife and I are having a good time. We're trying to try new things. I've been pushing to go out for some pub trivia and try to make it a regular thing but so far she's been too tired. She's working hard at her new job, so she gets a pass. 
• We're cooking more. By we, I mean me. I love to cook and I want to learn to be really good at it. I'm getting much better. I'm trying new recipes and they are (for the most part) coming out great. We bought cast iron pans and I've been seasoning them and I finally made a grilled cheese in one today. It tasted just fine, but looked so perfect. I was really proud. Tonight I'm making pork chops with a bit of a Mexican twist and some Cous Cous.

Performing

•  I didn't think I'd ever improvise again. At least not in a professional setting. Low and behold, first performance related thing I do when I move back is audition for the brand new (Opening in September) Comedysportz Detroit. Comedysportz was something I always loved to watch and wanted to get into in Chicago but I never got past the auditions. I'm so pleased to be a part of this company. There's varying levels of experience so it's fun to watch everyone learning and getting better together. I occasionally get concerned about how things are going to go. I've been worried about what elements of the Comedysportz experience that I loved in Chicago might not get used in Detroit. But that's OK. I have to remember that I'm one small part of the equation. I'll give my thoughts, we'll work together as a group and it's going to be fantastic. I've yet to get much non-rehearsal chance to hang out with the gang, but I know we will eventually. There's some people in the group I think I'll really be great friends with (including two people from Wayne that I was already friends with!). 
• Nothing much coming out of me on the writing front. I'm trying to think of ideas for a new play, but nothing jumps out at me. 

Now here comes the part where I say I'm really going to try to blog more. Will I actually do it? You be the judge. 

What do you do all day?

I've been unemployed for a month now. I'm trying to limit the whining because I knew this was happening. I made the choice to be unemployed. I made the choice to move to a new state which would necessitate a new job. I have to say, I'm very, very happy in my new environment. Most of the time, I'm much less stressed and I'm spending a lot more time laughing and being social.

But there's still the day time. The time when people go to work. The time when those of us who aren't currently working look out the window and wish we were. It's an odd feeling. I don't look out an office window and dream that I'm doing what I really want to be doing. I just dream of having an office window to look out of and dream about doing what I really want to be doing.

So what do I do all day? I really, really try to treat unemployment like a job. I still get out of bed by 7:30 and take a shower. I put on clothes (albeit not the clothes I'd wear to a job). I still eat breakfast and drink coffee. At 9 AM, I go back to the office. I sit at my desk. I check Craigslist, Indeed, SimplyHired, Careerbuilder, and Monster for any jobs that might interest me and that I might be qualified for and I apply for them. By then, it's 9:15-9:30. It won't help to check all those boards again for at least a few hours.

So I take surveys for $1.50-$3.00 in Amazon credit. I mute promotional videos and let them play in the background for Amazon credit. I hope to earn enough in 3-4 weeks to buy myself a new board game or video game or something. Just so I don't have to spend money on it.

I read articles about how to improve my job search. How to improve my skills.

I try to better myself. I'm exercising. Not as much as I should or could be, but much more than I used to. I'm trying to learn computer programming languages. I feel like I'm going too fast seeing as I've been at it a month and I'm on my third language. I'm sure when I go to do a practical application, I won't have much in the way of retention. We shall see.

Believe me, though, when I say I have no regrets. I really do like living here. I like having friends over for dinner and board games. I like seeing my family/in-laws on a regular basis. I like knowing the support is there. I like that day to day life is a lot easier. I love that my wife is working in the field she wants to work in and that she's far exceeding the expectations we both had one month in. Things can only keep going up.

I just wish I could find work. It's only been a month and I know I shouldn't get discouraged. I know there are a lot of people out there who are unemployed not by choice but by circumstances outside their control. I know there are people who have been looking for a lot longer than I have. I know that I could walk across the street to the McDonalds and probably get a job there, but we're not to that point yet. I know that I'm being looked out for. I know that job will come. I just have to keep moving. At least I'm not spending my days playing video games and watching movies.

The First Week Back

We've been moved into our new home in Michigan for about a week now. I thought it would probably be a good time for an update.

Our first full day in Michigan couldn't even really be counted. Since our car was at the wife's grandparent's house, just waiting it's sweet, sweet registration, we spent Easter Sunday out there with them and spent the night. It was pretty great to be visiting family and know that when it was all over we could (sort of) go home. I say sort of because we were going to be camping out at the in-laws house for the first night so that we could get the car registered. It was still a very enjoyable night.

Monday we woke up and went straight to the Secretary of State. It was a relatively painless process. The only real kick in the nuts was that I didn't know I needed my birth certificate to get a new driver's license. Oh well, it'll get done eventually.

We saddled up our new car and headed back to our apartment. By the way, this joint is gigantic. We've been living in shoe boxes for the past 4 years, but you could easily fit our last apartment into this place 3 times over. We're still adjusting to not being able to see the TV in the living room from virtually every other part of the apartment. It's weird to yell to each other "Can you bring me this?" and for the other to respond "Sure. Where are you?"

One thing I'm having no problem adjusting to is the new social life. We've been meeting for drinks, having lunches, going to Tigers games and just hanging out. It's been pretty amazing. It's also been pretty expensive. The wife got a part-time trainers job, which I'm very proud of her for, but until we're both employed, we definitely need to start watching it a little better. I'm sure we'll start inviting people over to our place for movie nights and such, which will save us some money.

Other than that, it's just been unpacking, job hunting, more unpacking, and just trying to decide how I want to better myself. I'm going to start taking some free online coding classes soon to learn some computer programming languages and just play around with it a little bit. I think web design could be a fun little side hobby for me. I'm also going to start noodling with my guitar a little bit more. Who knows, maybe inspiration will strike and I'll get the band back together. My brother's been bugging me about it since we decided to move back. All I know is that I'm feeling the desire to be creative again which is really making me feel great.

"42" Review

I love baseball. It's probably the only true "symbol" of America that I embrace with my whole heart. Even if I can't spit back stats or know enough about which players will make my fantasy team stronger, nothing makes me happier than sitting in a ball park.

One of the things I really love about baseball is it's storied history. One of the most important moments in that history and in the history of America in general is the story of Jackie Robinson, the first black Major League player. When I would see trailers for this movie, I would get so pumped. The use of the Jay-Z song Brooklyn (Go Hard) in the trailer was especially effective. I just couldn't wait to see this movie.

In the interest of full disclosure, I missed the first ten minutes of the movie due to a combination of getting lost (I just moved to a new city) and long lines at the concession stand. Here's the plot recap from when I sat down. The movie follows Jackie Robinson on his journey from the Negro Leagues to playing for the Brooklyn Dodgers. It's a pretty simple plot. He's a black guy and white guys don't like that he plays baseball. The end.

Let me cut to the chase. As much as it hurts me to say it, you should wait to see this movie. You should wait until it's on DVD or at the very least, in a second run theater. Sadly, it's just not very good. There are some excellent performances. Chad Boseman as Jackie Robinson had a quiet power about him that was really effective. Nicole Beharie as Rachel Robinson, Jackie's endlessly supportive wife, also turns in a really great performance. However, my favorite performance came from John C. McGinley as Red Barber, the voice of the Dodgers. He's got so many great 40's expressions that are almost throwaway lines, but will make you chuckle if you catch them.

That's one thing that really surprised me about this movie. It's really pretty funny. Watching Jackie rile up his opposition is as humorous as it is inspiring. But in the end, it's really, really hokey and heavy handed. There are a couple of lines that sound like they should've ended with "Everyone caught up now?" for how expository they are.

The big disappointment for me was Harrison Ford as Branch Rickey, the owner of the Dodgers. He was almost like a cartoon character. The same could be sad for Johnny C's announcer character, but it works for him. I never met Branch Rickey or even saw him interviewed, but I thought that Ford put way to much jowl in his character. I don't know if that sentence makes sense necessarily so to clarify, basically it sounds like he's shaking his cheeks back and forth the whole time he's talking.

I think baseball fans will enjoy this movie for it's chronicling of the time when Jackie Robinson forced the baseball world to move forward. It definitely makes you love baseball. But as far as biopics go, it's very middle of the road. It's got all the biopic and sports movie cliches, even the slow motion shot of the 3rd base coach swinging his arm in a circle during the home run. You don't need to signal him home, it's a home run!

Verdict: Rent this movie one day. I suppose you could do worse.

A Farewell

I’ve made no secret of my loss of love with Chicago. Chicago has been home for me and my wife for 5 years now. When we moved here, I was a wide-eyed 20 something, fresh out of college and ready for a new adventure with a girl I loved. It was going to be scary, but I was happy to have someone hold my hand while jumping off a cliff. We came here with two paltry savings accounts and made it happen. It was pretty great for a while.

But as most people who live in a major metropolitan area can tell you, city life is a bear. It’s very taxing mentally, physically, and emotionally.

I think Chicagoans are nicer than New Yorkers in my limited experience, however, I’ve recently been espousing that Chicagoans exist in these little moveable bubbles that surround them in a one foot radius in all directions. “It’s totally fine for me to motor down the street staring at my phone. I’m the only one here.” “I didn’t push anyone out of the way to get the last seat on the train, it’s just me here.” “Of course I can play music from the speakers of my phone on the Red line at rush hour, it’s just me here and earphones hurt my inner ear.” That's probably people in every major city, but I can only speak to Chicago.

No one likes to grocery shop. Actually, I really used to love grocery shopping. But the idea of carrying the groceries that I just way over paid for 4 blocks in the snow really snuffs out the luster of walking up and down the aisles planning a delicious meal. It becomes the worst torture…and you have to do it all the time.

Don't even get me started on relying on public transportation. It's a really great thing that every single city should invest in, but I can't live that lifestyle anymore.

But these are the trades you make to have some of the best restaurants in the world, some of the coolest and most interesting theatre and comedy, and never having a lack of something to do. It’s all great too. Don’t get me wrong. There just comes a time where you don’t want to make those trades anymore. You don’t even go to most of the fun things this place has to offer because regular life has sapped all your energy.

Over the years, I grew weary. By year three, shortly after getting engaged, I was just done with it. It was starting to click that our primary activities out of work, which was going to dinner and a movie, could be done anywhere. Why were we living this stressful lifestyle when we could have the same life minus many stressors, many expenses, and with the addition of a great network of family and some of the closest friends people could ask for.

Basically, I still love Chicago, but I hate living here. I really can’t wait to visit.

There’s a host of things I’ll miss and in the interest of keeping this post from being all shitting on the place that I’ve called home for almost 6 years, I’d like to talk about some of them.

I’ll miss the friends I've made. They may be few, but they are definitely some of the finest and most fun people I've met. I wouldn't trade them for anything.

I’ll miss Chalk the Block. I didn’t even think about it until walking to work this morning, but there’s this great group of people (I don’t even know who they are) who write inspiring messages on the sidewalk leading up to train stations. They pop up at my stop every few weeks and they really do perk me up on the way to work.

I’ll miss the Lakefront on my wife’s behalf. I didn’t spend nearly as much time there as she does, but it was nice in the summer to know that we could walk 10 minutes to the beach. I know she'll miss it too and I hope that running on Belle Isle from time to time will act as a suitable replacement.

I’ll miss baseball at Wrigley Field. Cubs fans, as a species, are the vilest of people. But enjoying the one sport I actively enjoy within the walls of such a historical place is always cool. It can't beat Tigers games though. To quote Marcellus Wallace, "Not by a damn sight."

I didn’t take advantage of the theatre scene as much as I could, but I’ll still miss knowing it’s there. I’ll miss knowing I could go to Second City if I took out a small loan for tickets. I’ll miss knowing that I could go see some great comedy. I’ll miss knowing for sure that comedians will come to town if they are out on tour.

I’ll miss Tedino’s pizza. I’ll miss El Mariachi. I’ll miss Do-Rite Donuts and Dinkle’s Bakery. I’ll just miss eating.

In closing, I want to thank Chicago for the 5 years. I’ve become who I am. My wife and I took our baby relationship and grew it into a marriage here. I couldn’t have done it all without Chicago. But it’s time for a new version of the life I left and the life I loved. Life 2.0. An improved life, where I get to share the new things I've learned with other people. A life where my wife and I can really explore our passions. It’s time to get involved with the community that I was too scared to embrace 5 years ago. It’s time to move where I’ll matter. It’s time to contribute. I’ll never regret moving to Chicago. It gave me the tools I needed to make this leap. And I’ll always be grateful for the wife who will be holding my hand when we jump and the friends and family who will extend their arms to catch us. You can’t find that stuff just anywhere.

Separating the Artist From The Art

In the last few days, there’s been quite a dust-up in the world of comic book fans regarding DC Comics hiring Orson Scott Card to write a new digital Superman comic. Full disclosure: I’ve heard of the Ender’s Game series but Orson Scott Card was completely unknown to me until yesterday.

Evan Dorkin, a hilarious writer best known for the comic book Milk and Cheese, went on a Twitter tirade about Card and his public anti-gay stance. From Card’s Wikipedia page:

Card has publicly declared his disapproval of homosexuality and of gay marriage. In 1990, Card called for laws that ban gay sex to "remain on the books... to be used when necessary to send a clear message that those who flagrantly violate society's regulation of sexual behavior cannot be permitted to remain as acceptable, equal citizens within that society". He no longer advocates this, however, and argues that the 1990 stance must be seen in the context of the times (such laws were still deemed constitutional at the time) and the conservative Mormon audience to whom his essay was addressed.[31] In 2009, Card became a member of the board of directors of the National Organization for Marriage, a group that seeks to prevent the legalization of same-sex marriage.[32]

Card has voiced his opinion that paraphilia and homosexuality are sometimes linked. In a 2004 essay entitled "Homosexual 'Marriage' and Civilization", Card wrote:

The dark secret of homosexual society—the one that dares not speak its name—is how many homosexuals first entered into that world through a disturbing seduction or rape or molestation or abuse, and how many of them yearn to get out of the homosexual community and live normally.[33]

Additionally, in Card's novella Hamlet's Father, which re-imagines the backstory of Shakespeare's play Hamlet, some claim that Card directly links the king's pedophilia with homosexuality. The novella prompted public outcry and its publishers were inundated with complaints.[16] The trade journal Publisher's Weekly criticized Card's "flimsy novella" and stated that the main purpose of it was to attempt to link homosexuality to pedophilia.[34] Card responded to the claim:

...[T]here is no link whatsoever between homosexuality and pedophilia in this book. Hamlet's father, in the book, is a pedophile, period. I don't show him being even slightly attracted to adults of either sex. It is the reviewer, not me, who has asserted this link, which I would not and did not make.[17]

The thing I’m grappling with is the separation of art from the artist. Should we be judging a creator by their political or social opinions or should we be judging the work? It’s hard for me not to be a hypocrite while working out how I feel on this because I’ve come down on both sides depending on the situation.

When Chik-Fil-A’s anti gay stance become a foreground issue, I stopped eating there full stop. I’d been to Chik-Fil-A a couple of times and I’ll be honest, it was one of the best Chicken Sandwiches I’ve ever eaten. Since there was only one location in the Chicago area, it wasn’t a huge deal for me to stop eating there, since I rarely did before. I was glad to not give any more of my money directly to an anti-gay company.

When Papa John’s CEO said that Obamacare would cause them to have to raise pizza prices and cut back on hours (both things which turned out to be pretty much untrue) I said, “I’m never going there again.” and save for one night when the wife and I were drunk, starving, and Papa John’s was on our corner, I haven’t.

I can’t say if these are fair comparisons, since these are business that make contributions to organizations and clearly the person at the helm could be making contributions to organizations I don’t want to support. I just wanted to provide some examples of boycotts I’ve made so you know how liberal I am. It’s a qualifier so that I can say this.

I’m not sure that I feel a real correlation between a creators political or social stance and their creations. I stopped eating at these restaurants not because I felt that their politics affected their product, but because I didn’t want my money funneled into places I didn’t agree with. But does the same go for creative pursuits?

I think Ted Nugent is an ignorant gun nut blowhard. But god damn, “Stranglehold” is a great song. Meatloaf stood next to Mitt Romney and butchered America The Beautiful. But are you going to tell me that makes you like “Bat Out of Hell” any less? I’m more or less of the mind that as long as the message of the art doesn’t reflect these views, then why boycott it?
All that said, I’m not going to stop reading DC Comics. There’s really nothing in this world that can come between me and Batman. However, I did sign a petition that’s being sent to DC to not hire Card to do this run. Now, I don’t read digital comics, so it doesn’t really affect me one way or another. I don’t think DC is going to be sending a portion of their profits to anti-gay groups. I signed the petition because I want to say that I don’t like Card’s message. But, if I was a reader of digital comics and his run on Superman was good, I can’t say his anti-gay stance would keep me from enjoying it.

I’m just not sure.

The People That Are Going To Hell

I hate a lot of people. Hate’s a strong word and I probably shouldn't use it. Let’s see, how about this. I have a powerful disdain for a lot of people. I wasn't always this way. For the longest time I was Mr. Friendly. I liked everyone. I believe that living in the Big City has really crushed my tolerance for people, so much to the point that I've started keeping a list in my head. I call it “The People That Are Going To Hell”, which is in reference to the great Vandals song.

Here’s the people that are currently on the list.

1. People who play their music through speakers on public transportation. Double hell for people who have headphones in, but their music is clearly audible. Triple hell if they are listening to Dubstep.
2. Upstairs Neighbors of all kinds
3. Co-workers that don’t make a new pot of coffee when one is empty (I’m looking at you Carol!)
4. People who talk entirely too loud in public.
5. People who litter. This goes double for people that leave uneaten food on public transportation. Triple if that food is any sort of Indian food or hot wings.
6. The Chicago Transit Authority (with the exception of that one train conductor says friendly things like “Go get em” at every stop during morning rush hour).

This list is a living thing and people may get added at anytime. However, once you’re on it, you’re on it for good, so watch your step!

Where I’ve Been and Some Reflections On 30

Warning: this is super, duper long. It’s 4 months worth of stuff. What do you people want from me?!

Hey there blog. It’s been so long. You’re….looking well. 10,959 hits. Man, some things never change.

It’s been ever so long since I last talked to you folks. I think it’s primarily because I’ve convinced myself that everything I have to say is being more eloquently said somewhere else. I just need to keep reminding myself that my mom, my wife, and 2 friends are the only people reading and they’ll like me no matter what. Besides, who cares if it’s good. It’s a blog. I don’t even have advertising. Just write.

Let me update you on what’s been going on in my world since we last spoke.

I went on a solo mission to go home for Thanksgiving. The wife decided to stay behind because she needed a break from travel (we’d been on out of state trips 3 times in the 6 weeks prior to Thanksgiving and would be going on another 3 weeks later for Christmas). But I knew that this would likely be the last Thanksgiving I’d have with my Grandad and that was important. It was strange to know that my wife was somewhere else while I was celebrating Thanksgiving with the rest of my family, but we made it through unscathed. It was a short, hurried trip, but it was still a good time.

Then we get to December. Gramps starts to take a turn for the worse. December was the month where the most used phrase was “It could be any day.” We worked with trying to figure out Christmas plans. I’m someone who always is made feel better by knowing my plan. I was driving my wife insane because I would say things like “Oh, if he passes on this day, then this, but if he goes on this day, then this.” I had a plan for basically every scenario. But the tough old guy stuck it out through Christmas. It made Christmas very interesting.

Gramps had home care during the day and in the evenings my mom would go over there, just in case he needed anything. Knowing that my mom would have to stay with him on Christmas Eve, we had to make some decisions. Would we go to Christmas with my dad’s side of the family as we usually do? The wife took charge and said “No one should be alone on Christmas Eve.” And helped us to organize a great Christmas Eve at Grandad’s house for my folks, my brother, his girlfriend, and us. It really was fun. My in-laws made some excellent deserts for us, we ate Slows BBQ, we opened some presents, and we watched the Christmas Story.

The next morning we woke up and I assumed the role of Chef so that my mom could relax while I prepared our traditional Christmas breakfast. I made sausage, biscuits, gravy, eggs, and bacon. After the feast we exchanged gifts and then the wife and I headed to my in-laws to start it all over again. We exchanged gifts with them, went to Grandma’s for dinner and games, and just enjoyed the day. I broke away later in the evening to head to Denny’s to continue a 10 year tradition with my friends of getting together at Denny’s to hang out. It’s the one time of year that pretty much everyone is together. My throat is always raw on the 26th from laughing so much. Despite all of the circumstances, it was one of the best Christmases on record.

Oh, we got another gift. I’m getting a sister-in-law. On Christmas, between hanging with his lady’s family and coming to Denny’s, my brother popped the question. His fiancé is super cool and we’re stoked to have her. Plus I get to be a Best Man again, which means giving a speech, which means getting a microphone and having everyone pay attention to me for 2 minutes, which is like heroin.

So anyway, we go back to relatively normal life. We spent New Years Eve in the fashion that we, as people who don’t really like bars that much and have few friends in Chicago, would by playing the new board games that I got for Christmas, eating cheese and crackers and sausage balls, having a couple of drinks, and then going to see Django Unchained. It was an excellent evening.

Time continued to roll by and then on January 9th, Grandad passed away. My whole family was able to be with him and I was told it was very peaceful and was exactly the way he would’ve wanted to do it. We made our travel plans and headed back to Michigan.

Circumstances being what they were, it was still nice to be able to be with my family and spend the downtime reminiscing and laughing. It was an excellent funeral and my folks, brother, and fiancé took him down to Arkansas

I can’t find a more elegant way to say it, but we saw Book of Mormon somewhere in between there, and that was amazing. If it comes to your neck of the woods, just go. I know it’s a lot of money, but you’ll be glad you did.

The final big thing that happened occurred on January 29th. I turned 30 years old.

I haven’t quite decided how I feel about it. The side of my brain that looks at the surface of things says that not much has changed. I’m still just a working stiff trying to be the best husband and person I can be and keep a smile on my face as often as I can. As I look deeper though, I’m starting to feel anxious. I’m starting to feel like I need to be putting a bigger mark on the world. I need to be making something. Contributing. I just don’t feel like I’ve done enough of that. Perhaps that’s why I’m trying to get back to blogging. Just to put my little stamp on society.

All that said, the wife and I are working on a big project and we’ll be ready to announce it soon. I’m hoping that will be a major catalyst for some changes in my life. I think it will be something that makes me a lot happier a lot more of the time. I can’t wait until I can talk more about it. You just get ready. It's not a baby.

If I had a nickel for every time I said this, I’d be flying above you in my own floating city, but I really, really am going to try to get back to regular posts here. Stay tuned

Wreck-It Ralph Review

I don’t like to feel feelings. It’s one of the only things that makes me even remotely male. That’s not to say I don’t feel things. My wife will tell you, primarily if I’m trying to act tough in front of the other apes, how often I cry. But if there’s anyone who knows how to crack into my hardened and cynical heart and squeeze tears out of me, it’s Disney and their subsidiary Pixar. This movie was no exception.

Wreck-It Ralph is about video game bad guy Wreck-It Ralph, who is something of a humanoid composite of Donkey Kong and the characters from Rampage. Even though he is as integral to the game as his hero counterpart, Fix-It Felix, he feels under appreciated in the video game world. Everyone is afraid of the bad guys and nobody wants to be around them. In an effort to gain some appreciation, Ralph ventures out of his game and into Hero’s Duty (a Halo-esque game) where he tries to win a medal and become a hero. His misadventure leads him to Sugar Rush (a Japanese anime styled Mario Cart). Where he meets Vanelope, who is just as misunderstood as he is. They bond, things happen, and then everyone learns their lesson. That sounds really dismissive, but I’m really just trying not to spoil anything.

I knew I was going to love this movie when I first heard of it, months ago. I ran into the bedroom where my wife was trying to relax and read and I said “LOOK!!! DISNEY MADE A MOVIE FOR ME!!!”. I was met with the usual eye-roll that follows when I want to show her a video on the Internet, but she agreed it looked good. I had no idea what we were in for though.

Wreck-It Ralph is “Who Framed Roger Rabbit” meets “Toy Story” in an arcade. That’s essentially the formula for a great Ryan McGillen movie. Who Framed Roger Rabbit is my all-time favorite movie and I love Toy Story. Really I love any movie where I get to see what life was like for the things I loved as a kid when I left the room.

Needless to say, I loved this movie. It had a lot of great little cameos from classic video game characters (my favorite appearance being Kano from Mortal Kombat. I won’t tell you what happens, but I laughed out loud while everyone else just stared) and hilarious references to arcade game culture. The voice cast is terrific and the dialogue is great. It’s hard to hold a grown-ups mirror to a kid’s movie, so I try to give it a little leg up and not be too hard. There are flaws that would be less forgivable if this was a grown-ups movie, but it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t see it. You definitely should.   

My opinion might've been swayed by meeting the stars last week.

Adrian Chen Is A Piece of Garbage….and So is Violentacruz

If you’re a regular reader of this blog, you have no idea what I’m talking about (hi Mom). Let me set the scene from the point of view of an interested bystander.

There’s this online community that I’ve grown quite fond of called Reddit. They refer to themselves as the “front page of the internet” and essentially, Reddit is a place where people can post news articles, pictures of cats, naked photos, and funny videos and discuss them. To the media, it’s a breeding ground for pedophiles and racists. I’ll admit that the anonymity that the internet, and especially Reddit, provide can bring out the dark side of people. But Reddit is also the community where I participated in a “Just for the hell of it” Summer Secret Santa exchange where I sent an awesome Zombie Whiskey Decantur to someone I’ve never met in Texas and received some awesome books from a stranger in return. It’s a community that has a whole page dedicated to people who have fallen on hard times or maybe just having a shitty day saying “You know, I could really use a pizza.” and about 75% of the time, someone comes through and has a pizza sent to their house. As much as there is terrible stuff being posted in some of these “subreddits” as they are called, there’s some amazing things that happen on Reddit as well. It’s a community I’m proud to be a member of.

So there’s this guy, Violentacruz. He’s what’s called a troll. He makes posts and creates communities specifically to offend people. He’s most well known for /r/creepshots (where people can post pictures of attractive women’s bodies, which are taken in secret), /r/jailbait (self-explanatory), /r/hitler, and the list goes on and on and gets much grosser. He’s the epitome of the negative side of the internet.

Then there’s Adrian Chen, a blogger for the website Gawker. Adrian takes exception to the disgusting stuff that VA (the troll) is doing. Reddit, being a staunch supporter of people’s right to free speech, has a policy of allowing any content that is not illegal. Hell, there are even subreddits to discuss marijuana use and file sharing, which are illegal, but discussion of these topics are not. As the content being posted in these groups are not illegal, Reddit does not intervene, as they would have in the case of something like child pornography. So Chen decides to take matters into his own hands. He is writing an expose on VA. As a part of the expose, he contacts people who know VA, is able to learn his identity, where he works, his personal information, etc. (in the hacker community, this is called doxxing) and considers this to be pertinent information to his story about the internet’s biggest troll. He includes this man’s real name, picture, etc in his story. The result: VA, who in real life is a father with a disabled wife, loses his job.

I had to think really long and hard about my opinions on this. I’m a big fan of free speech. I think it’s the most important thing in the world and sometimes it’s a hard thing to advocate for. My prime example is the Westboro Baptist Church. These people are the worst. They are scum and they are media whores. But I would oppose any legislation that attempted to stop them from saying whatever they choose to in public or private. If I fight to take away their right to say such hateful things, then I’m also fighting against my right to oppose them publicly. But for dumb people, that’s where it gets sticky. That’s where people who have the intellectual level of say, a dead clam, would say “So you support the WBC?”

I ran into this same quagmire on this issue. I don’t support the subreddits that VA created and moderated and possibly even posted in. But the glory of Reddit is, I don’t have to subscribe to them. I don’t ever have to see them if I don’t want to. Beyond that, the reality is that only certain subreddits appear by default and anyone who wants to discuss how awesome Hitler was or look at blurry cellphone shots of some girl in yoga pants on the bus really has to seek the appropriate subreddit. What I do support is their right to exist, being properly monitored for any sort of illegal behavior (posting of child pornography, etc.).

What I can’t abide (without fighting someone’s right to free press) is a blogger who ruins someone’s life in order to drive traffic to their website (a website I might add, which has a section devoted to celebrity upskirt photos. Hypocrisy, thy name is Gawker). If Adrian Chen was the vigilante that I think he’s trying to portray himself as, why not go to the police if he thought something illegal was being done? How effective was ruining this guy’s life as a part of his story? The expose that he wrote would’ve brought the problem to light just as easily without ever giving out any of this guy’s personal information. But it probably wouldn’t have hit national news levels unless it was something extreme. To me, Chen is just as much a troll as VA. He used the internet to get a rise out of people and he wrecked a real human beings life as well.

The reason that I’m harder on Chen then I am VA is pretty simple. Chen claims to be better. VA is unapologetic for his gross ways. He’s like “Look, I like offending people. Deal with it.” He’s not out there pretending he’s some free speech advocate or that there’s a nobility to posting pictures of dead children. He knows who he is. Chen is pretending to be Batman. I find that insulting to Batman and anyone who knows me knows, you don’t…insult…Batman.

There’s also a bigger issue at play. Anyone who is advocating for what Chen did has to understand that, unless they are going to hypocrites, they’ll have to advocate for some other things that could occur as well. If some right wing Christian blogger decides to doxx a bunch of gay kids who are using their Reddit anonymity to find support as they work up the courage to come out of the closet and decides to post their names and addresses as a statement of moral opposition to their homosexual lifestyles, people who support Chen have to support that as well. I’m not going to be one of them and since I try not to be a hypocrite as often as possible, I won’t be lining up behind Chen.

Free speech is a beautiful thing and the internet is the most amazing invention that our generation has ever known. Obviously, people are going to take advantage of that for evil and that’s going to get press. I urge you to investigate further, to see Reddit for the community of charitable, hilarious, and creative people that they are and enjoy some cat pictures while you’re at it. There are dark and seedy sides to Reddit, but you don’t have to go there unless you want to. If you want to, more power to you. Just don’t do anything illegal and don’t support whores like Adrian Chen and trolls like Violentacruz.

Film Review: 7 Psychopaths

I’m taking the blog in a bit of a different direction. I’ve gotten tired of just writing about what’s going on in my life as there’s not much to write about most days. I’ll still be writing about whatever is on my mind, but I’ve decided to lean a little bit towards the pop culture world as that’s what I’m really passionate about. So interspersed with my ramblings about this weird thing and that, you’re going to start seeing film reviews,  probably a song of the week column, comic book news, and much, much more. I mean, who needs focus anyway?


And so, I present to you my first film review. Keep in mind, I know nothing about the technical aspects of film making (which is why I didn’t like the Master I suspect), I’m just a fan of movies of all kinds.
Now, I’m not going to bury the lead here. I loved this movie. I loved this movie before I ever sat down in the theatre. I saw a cardboard stand up ad while walking through my local Cineplex. Images of Sam Rockwell, Christopher Walken, Woody Harrelson, and Colin Farrell went through my pupils, down my ocular nerve, and hit my brain and stimulated my pleasure center. Like a robot who had suddenly discovered the ability to love, I shouted “I want to see that movie so much!!!”

The wife and I went to a free screening last night put on by Vice magazine. We’re real movers and shakers, the wife and I. By which I mean, I sign up for contests for the free screenings put on by the marketing departments of movie studios in which people who read film and entertainment blogs can see this movie for free and take to the Twitterverse (or their blogs as the case may be) to rave about the movie if they like it and hopefully keep their mouths shut if they don’t.

So what’s this movie about? Well, there’s a ton of surprises that I don’t want to give away so here’s the base level plot. Colin Farrell is an alcoholic screenwriter. Sam Rockwell and Christopher Walken are business partners. What business you ask? Well Mr. Nosey, it’s the dog kidnapping business if you must know. They take dogs from people when they aren’t looking and return them a few days later to collect a reward. Seems like a pretty good racket right?

Well one day, they steal the wrong dog. They steal the dog of a mafia crime boss played by Woody Harrelson. You know he’s a bad dude because he’s got a scorpion tattooed on the side of his neck. He has a soft side underneath his gruff and violent exterior. He loves his little Shitzu more than anything and he’ll stop at nothing to get her back. This kidnapping sets off a whole chain of events and things get way out of hand. You and me, we’re just along for the ride. 

So that’s the story, but what is this movie about? Truthfully, it’s about friendship. It’s about best friends who just want to see each other succeed and will push each other to the limit to get there. That’s really the long and short of it and it’s incredibly effective. We spend the whole movie thinking that Sam Rockwell’s character is a complete wackjob. We’re not wrong either. He’s definitely an eccentric to say the least. But through it all, he knows what he’s doing and his motivation is actually pretty pure for a con-man. He’s doing it all for Colin Farrell. 

This movie has whip smart dialogue and it never really drags. It takes twists and turns, some of which you could predict, but there’s still a ton of surprises. It’s a powerhouse cast and everyone turns in really great performances. Some might call Sam Rockwell a bit cartoonish, but it works for me and it ultimately works for the character. Christopher Walken is Christopher Walken and he’s never going to play any character in any other way. But who cares!? We love him anyway. Woody Harrelson and Colin Farell are great as always. The big surprise award goes to Tom Waits, who plays a small, but integral role that I don’t want to give away here and turns in a great performance as well. 

As we were leaving the theatre, some mustachioed hipster behind us said something to the effect of “I guess this guy never heard of Quentin Tarantino”. It’s true, this movie smacks of Tarantino in the dialogue and the style and the extreme violence, but it doesn’t feel stolen. It feels like an homage of the highest order. You know what they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. 

In summation, you could find a lot worse ways to spend 2 hours this weekend. You could be some sort of murderer or maybe you write “White Power” pamphlets. If I may be so bold, maybe you should take a break from such abhorrent behaviors and go see this movie instead.

Why I'm Voting For Obama

There are a lot of people who think that our country has not taken many steps forward since Obama took office. I disagree, but it's not hard to see why they feel that way, since we haven't taken many significant steps forward. None of this matters to me though. I'll be voting for Obama and I'll tell you why.

It's not because he said that he was in favor of medicinal marijuana but did not tell the DOJ to stop prosecuting dispensaries.

It's not because my gay friends can't get married whenever they want and wherever they want.

It's not because I'm less fearful everyday that I might lose my job and not get another one.

To be honest, I was not positive I was going to vote for Obama. For one thing, did you know his middle name is Hussein?! Like Sadam Hussein!?! But don't worry, something made my mind up for me.

http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/earshot/creed-scott-stapp-obama-375727

That's right, Scott Stapp, lead singer of Creed, has decided that he will not be voting for Obama this year. Anything that I can do to distance myself from Scott Stapp, singer of Creed, is number one priority. It's a good thing he didn't let the world know he was planning to vote for Obama in 2008 because I don't know what would have happened.

 I just hope he never comes out against pizza.

Game Night

This weekend we got together with our good friends Paul and Whitney for our monthly (at least, attempting to be monthly) dinner and game night. I look forward to these nights so much.

Whitney is a dear friend from college and Paul is her husband. It’s so strange because on paper, Paul and I could not be more opposite. But we found a musical bond in going to punk shows and he’s someone I enjoy talking politics with because even though we have totally different views, I always learn so much from talking to him and so he’s become one of my favorite people. The wife loves these visits as well because as a bonus she gets to play with Paul and Whitney’s baby, Marianna. She’s pretty cool for something that can’t talk yet.

Paul grilled some delicious rib eye steaks and we drank wine. I decided that as long as someone else is cooking, there’s no risk for me to try some new foods so last night I tried Bok Choy and rice. I know what you’re saying. “RICE!? That's exotic?!" I know, I know. As far as I knew rice was a vegetable and those simply weren’t allowed in my mouth for the longest time. I’m now trying new foods when others are preparing them for me because I really have nothing to lose. I’ll know if I like it or not instead of just guessing and if I didn’t like it, it’s not like I’ve wasted money buying something I have to throw out. The final verdict was that if rice is prepared properly (this was sautéed in butter and them simmered in beef stock), it’s pretty delicious. Bok Choy I sadly did not care for. The bottoms were like celery, which I hate, and while the top was a new taste to me, I didn’t like it.

After dinner, we played a new game that I bought called Cards Against Humanity. Needless to say, this is not a game I’ll be bringing home to play at Thanksgiving. Basically, it’s a fucked up version of Apples to Apples where the one card will read “__________, high five bro!” and the object is to play the card that most hilariously fills in the blank, for example “The blood of Christ, high five bro.” I don’t think I’ve laughed so much in one evening in quite a long time.

The rest of the weekend was relatively relaxed. The wife ran 20 miles on Saturday, her longest run in all of marathon training. While she was out running, I went to the store and got the supplies to make a desert (Butterfinger Blondies) to take to Paul and Whitney’s as well as lasagna for Saturday night. I knew that after running 20 miles, the wife was going to need a good meal. I’d never made lasagna before, but it came out really well. I needed a win because I had been trying new recipes and failing spectacularly. I got my confidence back now which is good because we’re trying to save some money and one of our ways of reducing our grocery bill is going to be eating good foods for dinner and always making enough for leftovers.
My thinking is we’ll spend less money on canned items and frozen foods for lunches as well as eating tastier foods.

I love to cook so I’m totally fine with this plan, but it can be difficult since the train commute home after work can be pretty draining. I’m willing to put the effort in if it means improve our budget though. We’ll see how things go. I'm combing through Pinterest to get ideas for tasty and healthy (or at least, not unhealthy) meal ideas. I'd love your suggestions if you have any.

Rodriguez and The Spirit of Detroit

Beware: If you don’t know the story of Rodriguez and you’ve been interested in the documentary “Searching For Sugar Man”, go see the movie first. It’s rare for a documentary to have spoilers, but people who are in the dark about Rodriguez (which is most people) might be in for a surprise if they saw this movie. However, I can’t think what would motivate someone who didn’t know Rodriguez to see the movie so I might have just wasted a paragraph.

My wife and I have been excited about this movie for a long time. She came to Rodriguez the way she comes to 99% of new music...me. I came to Rodriguez the way I come to about 25% of new music...my brother. He gave me his first record (Cold Fact) and told me the story and it kind of sat on my iPod for a while (as most things do). When I finally sat down and listened to it, I was captivated. From that point on, any time we had people over to play games, Cold Fact was a go-to record for me to put on. It’s not so intrusive that you can’t talk over it, but it’s so good that eventually someone at the table says “What is this?” and then I can launch into the tale of Rodriguez.

The short and sweet version goes like this. A working class guy in the 60’s writes some songs. He’s very Dylan-esque. Some record producers see him in a bar. They cut a record with him. It sells very few copies. They cut a second record. It sells even less. He goes back to doing construction and odd jobs. Unbeknownst to him, in South Africa, the anti-establishment message of his music has become the soundtrack to the anti-Apartheid movement. He’s considered an equal to the Beatles and the Rolling Stones in South Africa, however, no one knows much about him. Rumors of his death by onstage suicide begin to circulate. 30 years later, a South African music writer and a record store owner set out to learn everything they can about Rodriguez and they find out he’s still alive and living in Detroit, still working the same odd jobs to make ends meet. They convince him to come to South Africa where he plays 5 sold out arena shows. He learns he’s sold half a million dollars and that his South African record distributors had never been able to track him down for royalties (believing the rumors of his death to be true). But Rodriguez ain’t mad. He’s not all that interested in his new found popularity. He plays shows because he likes it, giving most of the money he earns away to friends and family and continues to work odd jobs when he’s not playing. He’s happy with his life the way it is. For him, music is fun and it doesn’t matter if he makes money on it. He doesn’t need it. And there you have it, the tale of Sixto Rodriguez.

Saturday my wife and I went to see the movie. It was really great and very touching. It made think a lot about how the story of Rodriguez can be looked at as a metaphor for the story of Detroit. Rodriguez is a working class guy with a brilliant musician inside. Detroit is a working class town where amazing art is happening all the time. No one paid any attention to Rodriguez. No one pays any attention to Detroit (at least not positive attention). Rodriguez doesn’t care about being famous or rich, he just wants to play his music and he hopes you like it. Detroiters don’t really care about fame or fortune, they just want to do their thing and they hope you’ll like it. Rodriguez is a perfect representation of what Detroit is all about. Detroiters find something they want to do and they try it. Who cares if they fail, it’s not like things could get worse and who knows, one day, the story of Detroit could be the backbone of a movement and Detroit could get discovered for what it truly is.

Needless to say, seek out both of Rodriguez’s albums, go see him live if you get the chance, and if you can find a screening, go see this movie. And the next time you’re trying to decide where to go on vacation, consider Detroit. You haven’t had a hot dog until you’ve had a Lafayette Coney. You’ll thank me later.

The CTA's new in transit entertainment strategy

Greetings valued rider,

Here at the Chicago Transit Authority we're always striving to provide dependable, on-time public transportation options to serve the entire city (except the far south and far west sides because....eww). We're failing spectacularly but at least we're not Detroit am I right?!

We're always experimenting with new ideas for how to make your experience more enjoyable and it is our pleasure to introduce our new In-Transit Games that are being installed on all trains. Here's just a few of the exciting options that you might find to help you pass the time on your commute home from your low-paying drone work.

"Step On Your Fellow Human Beings Neck to Get a Seat on the Train"

This is probably the game with the simplest objective. You stand at the station any loop bound or northbound train between 7-9 am or 4-7 pm and jockey for the best position. Each train car will have one open seat, placed at random, and your objective is to sit in it at any costs. Along with your other riders, pregnant women and elderly people will be randomly placed to challenge your sense of decency.

"How Long Before I Pass Out From Heat Exhaustion"

This is part of our summer games block. In this event, the air conditioning on random trains will be shut off I the temperature gets above 80 degrees. It is your objective to push past all hallucinations and remain upright while in a train packed with other people giving off an absurd amount of heat. It's a scorcher!

"Name That Tune: The Guy With Terrible Taste and His Headphones Way Too Loud Edition"

Better brush up on your Skrillex and Kenny Chesney if you want to succeed in this challenging game. Randomly placed throughout train cars will be people with no concept of other people's existence and therefore had their music turned up to 11. Your objective is to figure out what terrible dubstep or country song they are listening to. Should you guess correctly , they'll assume you're a fan and try to dance with you! You are a loser either way! Isn't that fun?!

"Is That Guy Really Shitting on the Train?!"

This one is pretty self-explanatory. Pro-tip, he is...always.

"Guess the Bodily Fluid"

Occasionally riders will notice an open seat in an otherwise packed train car. It's not luck, it's our most exciting game. In this game, you'll look at the fresh stain that is on the seat no one is sitting on and try to guess which bodily fluid it is. In fact, let's try a round right now?

I don't need to ask what you guessed. You know in your heart you're right. Sadly. 

We hope these games will add a little enjoyment to your commute and if it doesn't....oh well. Because at the CTA, we don't care....and it shows. 

I Love Magic

I love magic. I’m not ashamed. That’s not entirely true. I’m ashamed of people who don’t love magic. You have no wonder in your cold, cold hearts. There’s a comedian I’ve recently gotten way into by the name of Pete Holmes who does a whole bit about loving magic. Skip ahead to 1:01



If that voice sounds familiar to you, that’s because you know Pete as the voice of the e-Trade baby. That’s your fun fact for today.

I’ve loved magic since I was in second grade. That was when I saw my first David Copperfield special on TV. I was hooked. He was my hero. Then I made my first communion. My parents gave me a card and it said “You’ll be getting your gift in a few weeks.”  Obviously it was something that took some time to arrive and wouldn’t fit in the reception hall. It must be the Batmobile right!?

It wasn’t, but it was still pretty amazing. One day my folks told me and my brother to hop in the car and we were going to go downtown and spend the day. When we were in the car my mom said this was going to be my first communion present. We were going to go to Lafayette Coney Island for lunch (this is a much bigger treat to me now than it was then) and then maybe to the Detroit Zoo or something. After lunch, we were walking around downtown and we started walking by the Fox theatre. I looked at the marquee and it said David Copperfield. I said “Oh man! Wouldn’t it be so cool if we were going to that?!” and that’s when my mom handed me the tickets. I still remember tricks (you know, what a whore does for money....or cocaine) that were performed that day. Even with all that I’ve learned about magic since then, the methods elude me. It’s clear that David Copperfield is some sort of sorcerer who sacrifices virgins and bathes in their blood to acquire his control over the dark forces of magic. Or at least, it was clear until the internet came along. I’ll get back to that.

After seeing David Copperfield, my career path was clear. I gave up my dreams of being an ice cream man (which I wanted to do because one of my coloring books had a picture of Goofy driving an ice cream truck and stuffing his face full of ice cream. Once I realized that I could have all the free ice cream I wanted, being an ice cream man seemed like the only career choice a rational person would make) and asked my dad to take me to Lauer’s Novelty shop so I could begin developing my routine. I bought the one where the three ropes of different lengths become the same length, I got a magic coloring book, some disappearing crayons, a simple production box, and a disappearing hankey. Look out Copperfield, I’m about to make the time you ripped the heads off of a live duck and a live chicken and switched them look like child’s play.

I practiced and I read and I performed in two talent shows. I attempted to get a job as an assistant for David Vitorelli, a magician who did a show on the local cable access channel. He called me at home and told me I was a little too young to assist him, but he gave me some advice and sent me an autographed headshot. I went to Pearl City Chinese with my down the street neighbors all the time because he performed there on occasion. He was another hero.

All in all, I did magic for like 3 years, until I started earning an allowance and being forced to pay for my own tricks. At that point, it was just too expensive. Like haircuts.

As time would go by, I would find myself earning more money as I aged. There were pockets of history when I could afford a trip to the magic shop now and again and I would get real into it again for a few months. At a point in college, I tried to actually earn some money (or a free meal at least) by trying to get local chain restaurants to have a kids night where I would walk around doing table magic for tips (and a free meal at the end of the night) but none of them were interested. I still have a little case with like 10 or 12 tricks which I will occasionally take out of the closet and fiddle with. When I was working for Careerbuilder, the guys on my team asked me to bring in some tricks one day to entertain them. It was then that I realized that the internet was ruining magic.

I love the internet. I love that anything that you want to know is at your fingertips, but I also think it’s ruining us. (Pete Holmes has a bit about this as well. You may have watched it after watching the first, but if you didn’t you should check it out). Specifically, it’s ruining magic.

One of my favorite tricks is the Scotch and Soda. It’s a great coin routine, is relatively easy to perform, and really wowed my co-workers when I did it. Then I went to lunch. When I came back, they had looked up Scotch and Soda on youtube, found out the secret, and were taunting me.

So I’m urging you, magic fans, that if you want to know the secrets, take up an interest in magic and continue to protect the secrets. Spend the money on the tricks, learn them, and spread the wonder. Don’t be a dickbag and post public tutorials on how to do a trick I spent 30 bucks to purchase.

An Open Letter to Adam Carolla

Dear Adam,

As I’m sure you’ve heard by now, there’s been a recent dust up regarding some comments you’ve made about women in comedy. Frankly, I was surprised to read that you felt the way you did. Not because I think of you as some sort of champion of equality or anything like that, but just because it’s an undeniable fact that women are funny. Let’s explore shall we?

You’re married right? I’m sure you can relate to this story. The other night, the wife and I were eating dinner and she mentioned to me that she’s not sure who she’s going to vote for in the next election. I know right!? Women voting. We had ourselves quite a laugh. I mean could you imagine if women, with their frail and volatile emotional states were allowed a say who leads our nations?! How absurd.

Here’s another one for you. Last week I traveled to my wife’s cousin’s graduation party. She had graduated from high school and...wait for it...GETTING READY TO GO TO COLLEGE!!! I practically collapsed with laughter. The idea that a woman could be something other than a wife and mother is definitely on par with the best episodes of the Man Show.

Now maybe you’ve never encountered women as hilarious as my wife and mother, but you’re an educated man (I have to assume, based on your intellectual and hilarious social satire), and so I’m sure you stay caught up with current events. You must have heard about the woman who said the word vagina on the floor of the Michigan Congress. Now, when I think of a woman in a leadership role, I’m already starting to laugh, but when she starts using such words during a discussion on women’s reproductive rights (which in itself could be used in your new sitcom, just please give me a consultant’s credit), I really bust a gut. Now granted, not everyone is a fan of such edgy humor, but I like to push boundaries.

So Mr. Carolla, I must respectfully disagree with your analysis. Granted, often times their humor is unintentional and it certainly doesn’t have the biting wit and timing of “girls jumping on trampolines”, but you can’t read this letter and still say that women are not funny. I hope you’ll reconsider your analysis as I, and the rest of the world, look to you to know what is funny.

Respectfully yours,
Ryan McGillen

What do you want to do?

Whenever I talk about moving home, I always get excited. I get excited because I believe that I’ll be motivated. But what will I be motivated to do?

I heard an interview with Jack White recently that summed up why I believe that Chicago saps my artistic/creative will. He was talking about why he chose to move to Nashville when he left Detroit rather than go the natural route of LA or New York (and before you go pointing out that he left Detroit, it wasn’t for artistic reasons, it was because nobody liked him).  He said that the reason he chose a smaller city is because the people who live in a big city don’t foster support for making art. That’s not to say they don’t go see theatre or go to art galleries because we all know they do. But they have so much access to art that the attitude is not appreciative. They don’t care as much. They go to a play and say “Oh Glengarry Glenross set in a struggling real estate office on the moon. Yeah, I’ve seen something like that before, but whatever.”

The Detroit area needs art. I remember when I was leaving, a lot of people gave me crap. My friend Adam and I were engaging in our time honored pastime of sitting in the courtyard of our building at three in the morning smoking cigarettes and prattling on about this and that and he told me I was deserting the city. I replied with a line I later realized was from the epic Pauly Shore masterpiece “Biodome”. “I’m a rat deserting a sinking ship.” I explained that I wanted to do theatre and more importantly improv and that I didn’t think there was much chance for me to do it outside of college because there just weren’t any places to do it. I had no confidence in Detroit ever becoming the artistic epicenter that Chicago is. Is epicenter the right word? Let me check.

The epicenter or epicentre /ˈɛpɪsɛntər/ is the point on the Earth's surface that is directly above the hypocenter or focus, the point where an earthquake or underground explosion originates

Ok, not the right word, but at least you learned something today. What’s a better word? Let’s go with powerhouse. How about that? Chicago has a lot of the same art that New York and L.A. has and I’ve heard those called powerhouses. Why can’t Chicago be a powerhouse? Is there some sort of governing board that determines powerhouses? What are the qualifications?

Anywho, I think it’s good that Detroit is not a powerhouse. I look at Detroit and I don’t see burned out buildings and dead grass. I see a place begging for me and my friends to come play. Please come make movies. Please come perform your silly plays. Please come do improv shows. Got a new idea for a business? Here’s a million empty storefronts just dying to have your weird hats on their shelves. Just do it!

Which brings me to my original question. What do I want to do? I envy my wife in that she knows that she wants to work in fitness, most likely as a personal trainer or group fitness instructor. I believe she would still do some theatre too, but being an actor is not her goal anymore. As for myself, I can’t quite say. I’m never able to put my finger on one single thing for very long.

I’m reminded of my days in junior high when I used to sit in the basement on three (or four or five or even six) way calls. For those of you under the age of say, 27, three way calling was when you would call a friend, hit the call waiting button, call another friend, and then have your own little conference call right there in the house. Just like a real life executive. Of course, my friends and I were mostly reciting lines from Dazed and Confused and talking about our non existent sex lives. On occasion, we would discuss our future. My best friend at the time and I would discuss a business that we would one day like to run. It was a variation on a giant head shop that we used to shop at called The Road Show. When we tried to nail down what our business would be all about my ADD kicked in. If I got my way, this shop was going to be the size of a giant warehouse. It was going to have a coffee shop, a performance space, a magic shop, a head shop, a record store, a comic book store, a bookstore....I think you get the idea. I knew I wanted to run a business but I couldn’t decide what kind. I guess I’m just fickle that way.

So now I’m trying to decide what will make this next phase of my life successful. Some days I think that as long as I’m usually smiling, spending time with my wife, friends, and family, and just living the life I want, I’ll be good. Other days, I want to be a director. Others, I want to own a comic book store or movie theatre. Some days I even think of being a freelance writer. The options and paths appear to be endless and as much as that excites me, it terrifies me just as much. Everything that is worth doing is probably a little terrifying though right? People wouldn’t jump out of airplanes if it was 100% safe.

Take the Leap

The wife and I were eating dinner on Sunday (I’ve been trying to institute a Sunday dinner so that we cook and eat at least one meal a week) and we got to talking about the move back to Michigan that will occur sometime in our future. In the spirit of full disclosure, it’s primarily me that is unhappy here in Chicago. She likes most aspects of life here, but also realizes that it’s not the thing she wants long term (I hope I’m getting that right. Feel free to correct me honey.) Knowing all of that, it’s easy to see how the two sides of the coin of moving to Michigan could be exaggerated based on your perspective. We’re both scared of the same things and excited about the same things, but since I’m unhappy, I focus on the things I’m excited about and try to ignore the fears where she is focused on the fears of the things that could go wrong while not allowing herself to be excited. Neither side is right.

I quite dramatically equated my feelings to being on a cliff while someone is pointing a gun at you. I look over the edge of the cliff and I see the ocean below and my mentality is “Ok, if I don’t jump, this guy will shoot me and I’ll die. If I do jump, I still might die, but there’s a chance that I’ll live.” I’m not normally a risk taker either. Getting married was probably the biggest gamble I’ve ever taken and that’s not to say I wasn’t sure about marrying my wife, but more just that marriage is a crap shoot no matter who the person is.

I was about to start mixing metaphors and talking about the situation in the form of gambling but let’s stay on the cliff. I think there’s something exciting in fear of the unknown, but I think it depends on the possible outcomes. Usually, I don’t like not knowing. I hate surprises. But as long as I know the outcome won’t be awful, I can get myself excited about the adventure. I have lots of ideas about how I would like things to go, what would be ideal. I’m sure none of them will come true but this time, unlike so many before, it won’t be for lack of trying. That’s why I stick with the cliff metaphor. It allows me to use this quote that I came across today. Any other day, I would just put the quote out there and let you think I’m well read and intelligent, but you’re no fool. You know Ray Bradbury died today and someone on Twitter tweeted this quote and that’s how I came across it. I think it resonated really hard with me today because of the things that have been on my mind.

“You've got to jump off cliffs all the time and build your wings on the way down.” - Ray Bradbury

That’s the part that I read that inspired me to write this blog. Then I looked deeper and found the full quote, which is something I should apply not just to this, but to life in general. Again, I may not be successful, but for now, it won’t be for lack of trying. The full quote reads:

“If we listened to our intellect, we'd never have a love affair. We'd never have a friendship. We'd never go into business, because we'd be cynical. Well, that's nonsense. You've got to jump off cliffs all the time and build your wings on the way down.”

So I’m going to try to start doing some things that I’m afraid of. Maybe I’ll talk to a stranger. Maybe I’ll write everyday and realize that some days, the writing will just be awful. Who cares? If I don’t die, lose my wife, lose my family, or lose my friends, I’ll be just fine.